Day 69, Setting the Course
March 18th, 2006 Sarano Kelley
I can see now so many things that I could not see before, my deep introversion, how I have come out from under some horrible self esteem issues, how my self esteem issues showed up the most in my relationships. It has taken a healthy relationship with Brooke to show me that the issue in my past relationships had less to do with the ladies in my life and more to do with my own deep seeded sense of unworthiness.
This Game has been a tough fight and I struggle with my desire to hide, not share to go back into my cave until it is all over.
I spoke yesterday with my philosophy school brother from when we we kids almost 20 years ago, Greg. I miss him. That same morning my brother and I spoke and he is signing up for Jujitsu. Oddly enough Greg has also been studying Jujitsu which I did not know. I got present to that there is something about both of them that I was always uncomfortable with. When I looked deeply I could see that they both were rule “benders”. Like Greg would bring candy to the weekend spiritual retreats up in Wallkill NY and I always thought that was wrong. What I can see now is that the reason I react the way I do to rule benders is because I am such a “rule follower”.
It is only now that I can see this rigid aspect of myself which I projected onto others all my life as my discomfort with them.
I wrote the largest and most important proposal of my career to date yesterday. I sat down to work at 5am on a call with the chairman of GAMA and besides a 1 hour workout almost did not get up from my chair until 5pm. I had the advantage of knowing that I was clearing the decks before leaving to speak and that I didn’t want my mind occuppied with what I hadn’t gotten done so the 12 hours was not really hard on me (amazing what imaginary little games can do to you). I now have the most important presentation of my career in front of me on Monday and as my partner Barry coached me “don’t suck”.
In 2 weeks I face my avoidance of writing the narrative for my film GAME 27 so that we can get it edited for a June release…another huge challenge for me as I avoid things I have never done and am not good at. I am also avoiding going back into the recording studio to rerecord my first song and to write and record my second. About a week after that I start shooting the television show. I gave up my end of game prize of time off because it was the only time available to train the kids. I must come up with an even better prize than I had planned because I can already
feel some inner resentment towards myself building up. Presenting to the leadership of the insurance industry globally, writing my film, shooting the television show…the next 21 days will have a huge impact on the course of my company, my career, The Game and the difference that I can make in the lives of others…as Barry said “a really bad time to suck”.
Pray for me.
Entry Filed under: Game 30
23 Comments Add your own
1. Michael A. Marino, CPA, CFP | March 22nd, 2006 at 6:25 am
Sarano,
I am a new member of GAMA and just witnessed your presentation at our conference. As you wrote in your blog that it was the most important presentation of your career, the result of your presentation was well worth your preparation. Great job! I was impresed with you 6 years ago at my former employer and was even more impressed with you on Monday. I purchased your book and read half of it the first day. I’ve already implemented a couple of changes and have seem immediate results. Looking forward to completing the book and getting The Game going.
Respectfully,
Mike
2. Sarano Kelley | March 22nd, 2006 at 10:40 pm
Thanks for the supportive feedback, all I can ever ask of myself is to “do my best”. I have been going through a big growth spurt in the refining of both what I teach and the company I have designed to give it.
I definitely need a voice coach (which I have started on several occassions and failed to stick to) and I wish I had not taken my jacket off given the fact that I am sure the “sweat stains” were showing.
Then again I know it is the tendency of the mind to focus on “what’s missing” and to take for granted everything that was there so thank you for getting me present to that.
Wishing you the best. Sarano
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