Attachment and Anger
May 2nd, 2006 Sarano Kelley
Jason: Thanks for the update…Your team and the many players are in my daily thoughts especially when becoming present.
You are very clear right now which is a good thing even amongst what appears to be an uncertain pathway ahead. Most people are very uncomfortable with the “not knowing” while not realizing that they are making it up anway.
I still see the anger and attachment are driving forces. These also are driving me in that I have not “forgiven” myself for my injury and my body’s “failure” to maintain integrity requiring surgery. Like it had any choice in the matter… but I nonetheless “should have known better.”
This attachment thing is a wicked master.
Do you ever have moments of clarity where you can perform and yet detach from the outcome? Is it possible that continuing to “start and re-start” teams and groups that it keeps your spirit from finding the next level? Is there a conscious way to evolve while still having to maintain
“appearances?”
The way of the householder is an interesting way indeed.
Thanks again for the update! We are sincerely very proud and attached to all of the progress. 
Much Love
Sarano: Like an alcholic my first step is to get honest about my issue…I am a slave…I am a slave to “attachment”. I am a slave to appearances.
Until I stop kidding myself and get how asleep and inauthentic I am no progress is possible. Yes I have had minutes, hours, days, even a week of that sublime “awareness” for which there are no words to express. Yes I have been outside of my prision cell and been shown the world out there.
But I prefer to be secure so I returned back to my cell since it was better to hope for freedom than to endure the having of it. To be driven by “attachement and anger” is my condition …nothing to be proud of just something to be straight about…I too know “why the caged bird sings”.
Entry Filed under: Post Game
10 Comments Add your own
1. J | May 2nd, 2006 at 1:25 pm
SK: But I prefer to be secure so I returned back to my cell since it was better to hope for freedom than to endure the having of it. To be driven by “attachement and anger†is my condition …nothing to be proud of just something to be straight about…I too know “why the caged bird singsâ€.
JB: This reminds me of a scene from the movie “The Shawshank Redemption” where the older librarian assistant Brooks is told that he has been released from prison…
From another’s recount: The movie offers two ways of dealing with life after prison; you can either live or die. Brooks was an older man who had been in jail for many years. When Brooks heard about his release he grabbed another prisoner and took a sharp tool to his neck. He said that he was going to kill him so that he could stay in jail. Andy came to the scene with Red and convinced Brooks to put down the knife because everything was going to be alright. Brooks was then released from Shawshank. Later, on the outside, he is walking down the street and he tries to cross the road but is overwhelmed by too many cars on the road. He says in a letter to his friends that he never remembered so many cars on the road. That scene demonstrates how sheltered he was in side the prison was and that now he is out of jail and doesn’t know how to think.
This must be how being free must feel… as I’ve only had a glimpse of it once after the first C Camp.
It is amazing to me in one way that we would kill over our attachment and yet so sad that the door has been open the entire time. We (read: me) are so scared (attached) of having that which we desire that we would simply rather remain imprisoned.
In those moments of “clarity” did you consciously choose to go back to sleep or did it “happen?”
Thanks for the conversation Sarano… as “painful” as it is to see the mask of it all it is very helpful - at least to this one man.
J
2. Chris Snook | May 24th, 2006 at 11:49 am
God I am disgusting! I am an attachment-aholic too. I often wonder what my blindspot is to true enjoyment of the moment. I can think of times where I may have experienced such freedom, but the clarity of those moments is blurred at best. I have this deep fear that despite my knowledge of what is possible when I let go and let God, I have this manic grip on “my dreams, my way, etc…” What is amazing, encouraging, and scary to me all at the same time is that someone who I hold in the highest esteem (you, Sarano) battles this same thing and has yet to figure it out completely. It is encouraging because I don’t feel as alone, its amazing because I aspire to have the power, freedom, and positive influence that you have, and it is scary because the human in me wonders if it is even possible to overcome attachment if someone who I respect so highly struggles with it still?..I guess the lesson may be that with increased responsibility comes increased dependence and faith on the one who creates and destroys all. The alpha and omega…I think of the story of Moses, and the level of unrest, and uncertainty that he faced while leading millions to a promised land nobody could see, only to get a glimpse of it himself (and never get to enter) at the end of his life. His highest purpose was completed and in human terms it is easy to pity that he didn’t receive the reward that those who doubted him and God did. The lesson I guess is that what we think is the ultimate reward cannot even compare to what treasure lies ahead of us for taking one step at a time in faith and purpose, knowing that it may never be revealed to us until we leave this earth and get to look down from a different perspective. I love you man. Thanks for being an inspiration
3. RaymonWazerri | April 20th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Hey,
I love what you’e doing!
Don’t ever change and best of luck.
Raymon W.
4. RandyJones | April 25th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Looks Like Dallas is in trouble!
Phoenix might end up blowing them all away.
PHX vs. Det. Hmmm..Could be interesting?
5. RaphaelG | April 25th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
What was that all about?
I’m very confused about this blog. Lots of
way off topic stuff here!
6. MaryAnne | April 26th, 2007 at 9:08 am
I’m not quite understanding what all
this is supposed to be about?
Must be me or something…
7. BillyMacAttack | April 29th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Wow!
I can’t believe the Pats got Randy Moss!
That is so cool. The rich get richer, again!
8. JerryGreen | May 2nd, 2007 at 10:50 am
How green is the grass on the other side of the fence?
Not much. Don’t believe it I tell you.
Jerry
9. JosesKaraoke | August 22nd, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Just a short note to say I like your blog.
Good job and keep up the great work!
Kenneth
10. JoeyBurns | August 31st, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Wow, there is some really nice info here.
I’ll definitely come back soon to see everything.
Way to go!
Joey
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