An Apology to my team
July 30th, 2007 Sarano Kelley
Everything ok? We missed our call this morning. Brooke ok?
Tony,
I owe you, our team, Paul Blanco, my friend Todd Lieberman, my partner Mitchell and my past partner Trent an apology. Brooke is fine, everything is okay and I am hiding. I am hiding behind:
-being busy
-self importance
-shame
-embarrassment
-disappointment
What I am not dealing with is:
-I did not keep my Saturday morning call with Tony and did not call him in advance to communicate (I was on a call starting at 6am that ran over…yada, yada, yada, I’m important and busy even early in the morning on Saturdays…more self importance added to some defensive arrogance)
-I have not emailed or communicated with Todd. Why, because I feel like I should of contacted him before now, I did not get to make the recording for him I said I would and I am ashamed that someone who has been so great to me would be let down by me…more shame and embarrassment. I also said I would send him a synopsis for the movie I have written and he is coaching me on producing and because I think a lot of him and very little of my own talents I have let the completed document sit on my computer for a few weeks now…
-I have reached out to Paul a whole whopping once or twice and because we did not connect I had that be my excuse for not trying…weak on my part, very, very weak…when did I decide that a lack of immediate results was a good cover story or excuse for a lack of effort on my part?
-some of my teammates have sent me their games and I have not reviewed them, so instead I have been stuck, got overwhelmed and followed it up with a good dose of “mild” depression…way to go champ!
-Scott emails me and rather than read the email immediately I “do” other things and then feel guilty that I have not responded to his email, of course any emails sent prior to his can’t be read because I should read his so I bury myself behind more guilt and justify it by being busy
-and for Trent and Mitchell could you of gotten a worse partner? I know we get the results but my level of play at best indicates that results must be pretty damn easy to achieve because it “ain’t” due to my calling you. Mitchell has called me several times and I failed to respond (I was in an unexpected meeting, I was in the middle of a big “deal”, the sun was in my eyes…yada, yada, yada, excuse, excuse).
So far in this game I have achieved more in a few weeks than I have in whole years of my life. I have had 2 sets of investment bankers I respect take on bringing my company public if I only I would actually get them the information they need to do their jobs…I have a long list of accomplishments, MY game is going well…for me, it’s just my “level of play” that sucks, it’s my selfishness that sucks, it’s my lack of concern for my team that sucks. If my team was more important than my “problems”, my problems would go away.
I apologize to my team and friends for not thinking enough of you to let you know that I am drowing and instead “fend” you off with being busy. I apologize for not thinking enough of myself to communicate and ask for help. I apologize for my arrogance and thoughtlessness.
I AM COMMITTED TO:
-having my daily calls with Mitchell
-blogging daily
-keeping track of my points
-returning my emails (within 48 hours if not traveling, within the week if I am traveling)
-being responsible for the fact that any busyness in my life was created by me and to be a martyr about it is revolting
I AM:
-apologizing to all of you
-recommitting to all of you
-no longer hiding or making excuses
Thanks for taking the time to read this and if I have let you down in any way I hope that you will give me the opportunity to redeem myself, if I am out of touch, it is always because on some level I feel I have “dropped the ball” and am ashamed…whenever I am ashamed I stop communicating which then turns shame into the starting point for depression. Yes, I can be depressed, need only 4 hours of sleep and do more “Superman” stuff but on the inside I know that I am not giving you my all…I know that I am cheating myself.
Sarano
Your Coach
Entry Filed under: Announcements, Game 36
4 Comments Add your own
1. Katrina Wilson | July 31st, 2007 at 11:07 am
I know that I am not a part of the team, but Wow!!! Your honesty is so liberating!!! Thank you for setting me free to continue being the trasparent Woman of God that He has called me to be. What accountability…What leadership!!!
What a Blessing…
Katrina
2. Mitchell | July 31st, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Wow!!! what honesty…Bull shit!!! You honesty is just another smoke screen designed to avoid facing the fact that there are only two possible courses of action available to anyone at any point in time. Truth is bionary, we can only do or not do. Be a partner or don’t.
3. Sarano Kelley | July 31st, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Bionary thinking is necessarily limited as are all “opposites”. It is “black and white” thinking that is the primary cause of why people get “stuck”. It was such thinking that got me stuck, either I am winning or losing, or either I am right or wrong. Besides being plain inaccurate it is also unproductive.
Be a partner or not, be a player or not, be a winner or not are all part of the same limited way of viewing The Game, in fact it is the reason why most people drop out, under the weight of their own judgement of their own level of play at something that is entirely “ficticious”.
The question I have for you, since we on the subject of bullshit is “what are you seeing about you?” What you see about me, while entertaining will do little for you.
Where is this same kind of “black and white” thinking showing up and limiting your ability to see that life is a “dail” not an “on off switch”.
For the record of course what I say is bull, the person who can’t realize that their is a little B.S. in all of us is usually the person who is unaware of how asleep they are.
Where are you asleep? Where do you see smoke screens in your own life? Where have you trapped yourself into a world of “this or that”, either “it works or it doesn’t”.
I await an example of your honest response and willingness to look at yourself.
4. kenneth bingham | August 24th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
You are such a fake. You still owe me money from five years ago.
Going thru your program you emphasised:
Keep your committments. If you can’t keep them, call the person and tell them so. You never did this with me.
My name is Ken Bingham and you can reach me at 972-970-7917.
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