Live Full Out: The Official SK Blog

Week 14: Hardly Sprinting, but Enjoying the Journey

I achieved 55 out of 58 points this week. My “Sprint” has taught me some key distrinctions, but the journey is hardly over as I realize how much better I can become by being more present to the most important people in my life.

This week taught me a great deal about what my wife needs from me, and I saw it because of the muscle of awareness that I have been building throughout these fourteen weeks. Last week, she road tripped to visit her parents while I stayed behind to watch our children. I received no less than six calls during her outbound drive, and while none of them lasted more than a few minutes, it clicked for me that this is the type of regular connection she needs during our busy lives. My pattern, of course, has been to not reach out at all during the business day while I am in the work zone. Clearly, it is the small things that make a big difference, and this is an easy daily dose I can do to let her know how much I love her. As a father, I was also more conscious of opportunities for connection and personal time this week, and it has been amazing. I’m sure there are numerous other opportunities still “hidden” from my view.

Relative to the elemental forces, much of my game has been about achieving higher levels of Sattwa, and I have been very successful in making progress on that path. In fact, I have enjoyed being detached enough to observe how the mind tries to pull me into Raja (activity, production mode, stress, crisis). By being detached, I have opened myself to new choices and have made a lot of wise ones over the last 90 days. Tamas continues to be an area of opportunity, and while I found opportunities to demonstrate more vulnerability throughout the game, there is much work to do in this area, and I know it can be a powerful personal connector when used strategically. I know that each of these forces serves a valuable purpose, and I need only remain aware to how they are playing in my life.

Much work to do, but I have made significant progress in all focal aspects during this game with the exception of Health, but I am back in the saddle there as well.

October 16th, 2007 Z Man

Week 13: Eyes Opened Wider

The points came easily this week as I achieved 58 out of 58, and I made significant strides in my environment organization as I worked through some piles that had developed, and am now left with a very short stack to process. What a powerful feeling I get from being organized.

The return to my former role has been sobering as my team missed their quarterly revenue number significantly. The process of bringing my focus back to the Americas organization has been eye opening, and I realize that it is an opportunity to re-dedicate myself to my purpose, and what I want for this team. When our Game assignment was to identify the one thing that is holding us back from living more on Purpose, mine was Consideration, and as I pulled together the autopsy on the recent quarterly miss, what stood out to me is how the basics I having been teaching the team for 18 months were the reason for our miss—time for a personal gut check. It confirmed two things:

I have to care enough about the team to push them to achieve their potential, regardless of their image of me, which means trusting my gut, and being honest with people who are not productive regardless of the consequences.
I need to get through to people in a more powerful way. My reality is I own coaching my leadership team, and they own the field team getting better. My job is not to do theirs, but I need to put my focus back on helping them close their own gaps to make the potential real, and then holding them more specifically accountable for their actions and results.

This week was also the beginning of my “sprint” to the finish, and my commitment to my Game team was that I would transform myself as a husband and father. As a part of that process, I connected with some other game partners to find out about unique things they do in these areas that they are proud of, and I started creating a list. The ideas shared were humbling, and I started to think about how to incorporate these new actions into my life. And then, I received an email from Luciano with his thoughts on falling still on what my family needs as well as telling them they are number one.

As I began to fall still and to carry this idea forward, I realize that the last thing my family needs is a longer list of tasks for me to be carrying out every day. Intellectually, I know that what my family needs most is for me to be present. This week because I spent significant time contemplating presence applied to my family, and came closer to understanding it. I see more clearly that simple concepts I have been learning to apply throughout the Game could also be game changers with family (shared journaling, reciprocity, falling still, attention). I just need to remain conscious of the moment-to-moment opportunities, and make good choices when they present themselves.

It’s going to be another great “sprint” this week, and I love how every week is fresh with insight.

Add comment October 7th, 2007 Z Man

Week 12: Back in the Game

This week represented my last week of dual role responsibility at work, and I am looking forward to moving back to one job, as is my family. For the week, I achieved 52 out of 58 points (90%), and I am excited to be journaling my lessons learned again, which I have missed since Week 7. It is really amazing how much more I am getting out of the journaling experience because it further integrates and reinforces what I am learning every week. Hard to believe that I had overlooked this best practice until I played this game.

My work with directed attention continues to pay dividends, and yet the more aware I become, the more I realize how asleep we all are. I am finding dozens of opportunities every day to be the detached observer… to just be. As I do, I find that there is no effort required to change my conditioning (i.e. there is nothing to do, only something to see). I find myself giving up control more readily, in less in reaction to outcomes, sidestepping being offended, letting go of value judgments. Everything is in order. Remarkably, I am also able to do this at work where the world seems to be in direct conflict with this approach to living. The more I aware I become, the more I realize I need only “do my work” without expectation. No need to struggle for results, but instead to just be aware while giving it my all.

My biggest opportunities for the remainder of the game center around how I can bring more awareness to my daily activities. It is not about the typical paradigm of doing more, but instead about how I can let go by dropping the weight of my unconscious conditioning. Additionally, I need to establish greater alignment between everything I do and my purpose. As I reflected on my purpose this week, I realized that the “tasks” I am already doing on auto-pilot could actually be done from directed attention, centered on my purpose. My purpose is not some future ideal, but instead an ideal I can hold myself to every day, and I must remain aware of the alignment opportunity with every activity I undertake.

Add comment September 30th, 2007 Z Man

Sarano Screwing up Royally

Mitchell and Luch,

I slept through my 3am with Mitchell, my 4:30am with the Spiritual Team, and then my 5am with Luch. Of course, besides beating the crap out of myself for screwing up I am allowing others things to “slip” through the cracks. First off, I apologize to both of you and secondly rather than feeling guilty and doing nothing I see the following “structural issues”:

-I did not get ready for bed at 8pm as planned, instead I resisted the end of the weekend (the same way I can’t seem to stop work on Fridays) and went to a friends house, ate a bunch of chocolate chip cookies and ice cream, watched an episode of “South Park” (because I was so full from dessert I could not go to sleep right away was my excuse for that) and then work up 3 and half hours late

-my phone is always a source of complaint for me, “it didn’t go off” which is french for I clearly don’t know how to use it

I would ask for your support in the following ways:

-moving forward I am not allowed to go out on Sunday nights (I also missed calling my mom, sister, brother in law and dad as a result of going out on Sunday night, generating the need for even more clean up)

-I would like to propose to Luch that we move the Spiritual Team call to the evening (at 7:15pm PST) if that works for the team. My meditation has been sporadic and often missing, guilt has begun to paralyze me

-I would ask that Mitchell and I have our call at 7:30pm PST as we had previously scheduled and that anytime I miss a call I have to write an essay on why and send it (at the least to the two of you), I request that Mitchell start working with me (or rather on me) using “consequences” that forward the action

By 8pm I am to start my daughter Grace’s bedtime routine and get her on a regular schedule by starting with getting myself on a regular schedule. I have been (in my estimation) a lousy partner and I am excusing it by getting the results anyway (of course, I am concerned with my results and am too selfish to spend my time worrying about my partners results), as well as, the excuse of my new born child when the issue is not her but me.

This issue of not going to bed on time did not just start when my daughter was born, hence it is clearly a great cover story for masking a long term problem.

I am sending this to my Personal Team, the coaching body and posting it to my blog as a way of starting to put some integrity back into my game. This is only step one of a number of “clean ups” I need to do for my many shortcomings and lack of follow through over this 90 days. I request that the two of you neither excuse me, understand me nor accept this kind of behavior from me.

I look forward to being as good a partner to the two of you, our team, the Spiritual Team and the coaching body as you all are for me. I apologize to everyone in the coahing body for my utter lack of integrity, sincerity and openess in dealing with my own shortcomings.

With No Excuse,

Sarano

Add comment September 24th, 2007 Sarano Kelley

Letter to my partner

Mitchell, sorry I have been sporadic in my contact but believe it or not just the contact and conversations we have had make a serious difference for me. I am shooting you this quick email to let you know that I am headed to the hospital today at 4pm to begin the process of inducing and delivering the baby. Mom is well, the baby is good and Dad is pumped!!! Interestingly, today is exactly 45 days from my birthday on October 23rd when I turn 45! I consider this the “true” midpoint to my game…coincidence…unlikely.

RELATIONSHIP My wife Brooke has given me high marks as both a soon to be new father and husband. While I see much room for improve, she is the umpire and there’s no arguing with the referee. I would also add that my daughter Georgia and I are the closest we have ever been and that she is excited for the birth of her new sister, doing well having completed her first year of college by age 17 and is in a great relationship herself. Also, my ex wife (who is like a sister to me) Chris and my wife Brooke had an incredible breakthrough in their relationship and that the two of them are forming their own relationship outside of me. I can’t take any credit for this and honest to God I believe I have the best ex wife in the world (I hate the word ex but I have yet to come up with another). At the same time my ex wife has made one of the biggest contributions I have ever seen anyone make to my current wife. I must say that I am surrounded by amazing women!

WORK I put my head down to get a number of things done before the baby was born and one of them is attached for your review Mitchell. After spending countless hours on the train to Vermont (to present for Sentinel Investments), writing my Foundation and business plans in the preseason preparation, then putting together the Boards of my companies, I then realized I needed a new management team…bad. The new CEO and CFO are both firmly in place and I have a call with them later today. I have set up a critical meeting of all of the people involved in the business (listed in the attached document that details the ”Organizational Structure and Key Players”) driving the business for October 26th so that you can meet them. I am officially no longer the sole decision maker, manager or driver of the business. This cuts my workload down easily by 50%…this is the reward I get for no longer being a control freak, I get a life! I have the best mentors a man could ask for in George and John who run The Edison Foundation and Chris and Paul who have done over $100 billion dollars in deals. With Mark Victor Hansen (”Chicken Soup for the Soul co author) as my publisher and mentor the only person I do not have as a mentor in business is Oprah. Chris is going to introduce me to his business partner and friend Mike Milken and I have agreed to do some speaking for them I still have no particular access to seeing if Oprah would mentor me. Then again, I got most of the goals in my game done in just 45 days so there is still time, just no real plan or approach.

BODY I woke up this morning and I am officially at my weight goal of 176lbs (actually I am 175) this is down from being 206lbs at the start of the year. The last 5lbs were a pain to lose but I got it done. Now I just need to cut my body fat down from 18% to 9% without gaining weight putting me in the best shape of my life at age 45. I also no longer suffer from crippling back pain and have reduced my stress levels dramatically despite still only sleeping 3-6 hours a night.

HOBBIES I am delaying the start of the final production of the movie on “The Game” but this is an “uptick” not a problem. It gives me more time to work on the script, work with the director who is coaching me (Drew Heriot the director of “The Secret”), and a lot more time for the two most challenging parts of this project fundraising and interviewing top athletes, celebrities and scientist. The project is one of a kind since I am donating all of my profits to our Foundation for children, giving away a technology we have been paid millions for and pulling together some of the best talent in the world from Hollywood, Wall Street and academia.

SPIRITUALITY I am working hard to not make myself wrong for my lack of progress in what is the most important category. I ”pulled” a ”sacrifice play” and front loaded my game with my work initiatives so that I would be mentally and physically free to be focused on bonding with baby Grace. I have not traveled since I did the Senior Market Advisor Expo on August 22nd and will not be traveling currently till mid October. I have increased my Bikram Yoga practice significantly and doing yoga in 105 degree heated room for two hours when it has been 106 degrees outside here is not exactly a lack of commitment. Rather than ”flogging” myself I am taking on some additional commitments in this area.

THE SECOND HALF I can see now that I have to admit that I have not taken your coaching as my partner nor my mentor’s coaching. Both of you have told me that you agree with my desire to have a therapist who truly inspires me to work further on my own emotional development. I have avoided getting this handled…I have ”tried”… which to me “worries” me; I consider it a danger sign when someone is unwilling to examine themselves or be examined. I had a great therapist for many years, we stopped working together after 9/11 and I have not had a serious therapeutic relationship since. This leads me to my second issue. My teacher (affectionately referred to as “Sir”) died well over 10 years ago, his teacher died a few years later. Since that time I have been mostly “self taught” and have taken various courses here and there but it is not even close to “working under attention” and working under attention can only be achieve through direct contact and relationship. I can see now that this is a therapeutic issue not a spiritual issue…that I am avoiding something, that I am somewhere in myself sabotaging myself…I do not know why and since this has been largely unconscious I have no idea what it has or is costing me. While it is great to have a happy wife, prayerfully a happy baby, be at the best weight of my life, my company in the most harmonious shape it has ever been in, my workload and travel schedule becoming the “lightest” they have ever been, I can’t help but hear my fathers voice (Rev. Benjamin Kelley) saying to me “for what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul…”. While my practices of meditation, prayer, scripture, service and study in “good company” continue unabated I can not go beyond myself…I can not take myself to the next level…I need a coach.

First, I will start by locating a therapist so that I can isolate “why have I been avoiding or resisting having a spiritual mentor in my life?” as I go about the process of EARNESTLY seeking that spiritual mentor. Ultimately, this is likely tied to the biggest challenge I have with “The Game” technology, I can produce the results but why can I not remember it is all just a game. Why must I be up when things go well and be down when things seemingly do not, why do I still believe on some level that results are the measure of a man, why is my love for myself still based on external things, why is my happiness tied to anything other than the joy of playing and serving…the Goal being…to be able to walk off the field of life knowing that I can look the Big Coach in the eyes and honestly say “Coach I gave it my all”.

I designed the larger game curriculum to give people with a purpose the ability to create financial freedom and spiritual freedom, few people leave the planet having achieved those two goals. As my teacher said to me “only a man beyond the need of help can be of any real help”. I seem to be excelling at one and losing ground in the other…I MUST COURSE CORRECT THIS NOW!

Mitchell, thanks for putting up with me, you have been one of the best partners I have ever had. Don’t be put off by my occasional resistance or stubbornness and continue to push me, continue to question me, continue to be the example you are for me and so many others.

I go to the hospital now and will spend any moment that I am not with looking after my wife in meditation and prayer, depending on how long we are there I will take on doing the longest single meditation of my life while I am there, perhaps I can replace 8 hours of sleep with 8 hours of none stop meditation…we will see said the blind man.

Peace,

Sarano

Add comment September 4th, 2007 Sarano Kelley

Week 7: Getting Clear

Double duty responsibilities at work showed in my game this week as I collected 44 out of 80 points (55%). It was still a great week in so many ways, although my points are nothing to write home about. Last weeks team call with Sarano and Tony’s thoughts on the topic of guilt (I put beating myself up in this category) was a fantastic lesson that prepared me well for this week. Throughout the week, it was easy to stay at peace despite my choice to not engage fully in my game. Instead, I chose to focus my energies on the task of assimilating my new responsibilities and ensuring that I stayed in personal balance.

This focus paid off as I prepare to enter another week. My inbox is zeroed out. My voicemail is clear. My desktop is clear. My projects in both jobs are time blocked. I am CLEAR, and this was achieved without spending the weekend away from my family.

As with any week, there were fantastic opportunities to practice directed attention. One of the most revealing was watching myself resist work that required me to dig into sleeping hours as well as a calendar of events that provided limited space for falling still. By staying present, I was able to avoid being engaged in the emotional drain of this future think. This happened numerous times throughout the week, and I was proud of myself for not buying into my resistant thoughts. The ability to create this separation resulted in tremendous work output and concentration throughout the week, enabled by not fighting myself while performing actions that needed to be completed. Additionally, I have found numerous opportunities for scheduled directed attention to allow me to practice more often. Examples include meditation, this weekly blog entry, reading/mindmapping, time with my family, and swinging the sticks. The last couple of weeks have been like a light switched on, and I am enjoying the process.

My opportunity from last week would be to improve my attachment to the progress in my golf game. My coach provided me with some new footwork and lower body action that will break my swing before taking it to the next level, and while I was only able to practice a couple of times, it was painful to see my inability to perform the new skills. I was present enough to notice my thoughts and feelings in falling short, but not yet skilled enough to detach from concern about the outcome of each shot or the session. This also happened at home with some honey-dos where I noticed my resistance, but could not get far enough outside for it to not affect my peace of mind.

Sarano also asked us to post our first half report card. Here’s mine listed by focal area:

Organization: 1st pass tackling of the mess in our monster storage room. Eliminated paper notes from my life. Operating at “easy speed” every day. Reading speed up 290% to 1,750 wpm. (A-) Keep cranking on environmental mess.

Family: New level of presence with my children. Learned communication structure for turning conflict into intimacy with my wife. (B+) Apply communication structure in all circumstances. Create dedicated special time for each twin.

Relationship: Established pattern of reaching out daily - Learning that people very open to talking. Finding opportunities to be vulnerable. (A-) Are my goals ambitious enough here?

Recreation: 41% reduction in handicap to 13. Need to do even more work to get to single digit in next 45 days. (B) Need to be disciplined in finding the space in my calendar to double up on this area in order to achieve goal before winter. Also, need to bring driver into my game.

Health: Reached Level 2 in Rope Work and Yoga. Need to take diet more seriously and raise intensity further to achieve 10% body fat. (C) Consistency need to achieve 10%BF has not been present. Need to get much more disciplined about diet to have any chance of achieving target.

Add comment August 26th, 2007 Z Man

Week 6: Changes in Altitude; Changes in Attitude

My professional life changed this week as my manager left the company for another opportunity closer to home, and I was asked to by the divisional CEO & HR to be the acting general manager of this Global P&L. The additional responsibility created challenges in maintaining the level of consistency achieved in previous weeks, but by weeks end, my administrator and I were able to effectively combine the schedules and deliverables for both roles including the time blocks for my game elements. For the week, I achieved 63 out of 79 points (80%). There were no significant insights relative to points missed, except the swirl of expanded responsibilities and commitments resulted in weekly items pushing too late into the week for me to recover.

Being able to act in this capacity is a realization of a goal whose journey began seven years ago when I left a highly lucrative selling career with the goal of becoming a P&L leader in one of Americas most admired companies. During my tenure, I have held five roles of increasing responsibility and had much success and tremendous development experiences. Here I sit on the short-list of candidates being considered for my first P&L, and my reaction to this is a testament to how much I have grown. In the past, I would have experienced a variety of emotions around desire and pushing to make the decision come out in my favor. My wife asked me this week, did you tell them you want it, did you push for it, how are you going to approach getting selected. All of these important questions in my old world, but I had to laugh at how detached I am from whether I get the role or not. Make no mistake, I have my preference, but the attachment and desire are not there because I am happy where I am, and I am happy whatever is decided. What a great place to be. My life is in flow.

Two other areas I have noticed this week. One, it has been a wonderful week for me in terms of acknowledgement from professional colleagues, peers, friends, my leadership team and their field teams. I have read and heard many kind words, well wishes, and comments around their desires that I get the role, yet I have been able to experience the sentiments without getting caught up in the labels or buying into that these words indicate any “specialness” about me. I approach the challenges of my current role from the servant mindset of authentic leadership, and the comments and reactions are not a response to who “I” am, but people’s perceptions of me. Understanding this separation has been powerful.

Finally, I typically feel anxiety before an important talk, which I had to give this week on short notice at an all-employee meeting in our headquarters for the announcement. To my surprise, my new awareness served me there as well. No anxiety, no need to be perfect, and nothing to prove. Just me talking about the employees of this great company and the path we are on as we compete in a challenging business cycle. How liberating!

Much work to do, but I am enjoying the journey.

Add comment August 20th, 2007 Z Man

Week 5: Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’

The tactical aspect of achieving my points continues to get easier as I maintain awareness to opportunities where my own mind attempts to sabotage me for the goals I have decided on. I achieved 75 out of 79 points (95%) this week. Two points were missed due not overcoming the inertia of my mind which told me I was too tired at the time I had time blocked these activities, and two were missed by having a scheduled business dinner that did not allow me to make my family points one evening. I have learned that my game is rigorous for me, as it should be, and if I miss the opportunity to execute when I have an item time blocked during the day, it is an opportunity forever lost.

This week I began focusing on getting more out of each achieved point by improving my directed attention in a few key ways:

Being more conscious of trying to be the silent observer routinely throughout the day, particularly whenever I feel energy robbing tensions or pressures
By maintaining single-mindedness during activities that I have historically multi-tasked
Recognizing opportunities to see through conflict to preserve my energy for critical tasks vs. wasting it away in reaction

I have a long way to go, but am excited to have begun doubling my efforts in this area. A quick review of last week:

Good: Scheduling weekly actions earlier in the week to prevent end of week cleanup. Began chunking down and executing on one of the biggest “environment” projects I have slated to clean up in my game. Will be eating this frog during month two.

Opportunity: Want to raise the intensity of my efforts around my diet and intensity of my workouts. Additionally, I need to find additional opportunities to practice or play golf as I feel I am behind schedule for my goal in each of these areas.

There is no change in my larger focus of continue to expand my understanding of the concepts of energy conservation, awareness and self-importance. The external results of the Game are door prizes compared to improving the richness of my Inner Game.

In my partnership, Mike also had a very strong week in his first full week engaged in the game. My goal for this week is to motivate him in every way I can think of to achieve the one pattern miss that occurred throughout the week, which was getting to the gym to workout. I will disrupt that pattern!

Add comment August 11th, 2007 Z Man

Week 4: Gaining Proactive Control

At the end of my first month of the Game, I have my game elements under control and they are becoming a part of my routine. I achieved 77 out of 79 points (97%). The missed points were because I got a bit sloppy by failing to prepare my meals for the following day. This was also the first week my partner was engaged in having daily partner calls, which helped with my focus and accountability.

Unfortunately, I fell short of achieving 90% compliance for the first 30 days, and will have to defer my planned 30 day reward until exceeding that level of accomplishment at the 60 day marker. Achieving the points continues to get easier as I time block the entire week, and execute at those designated point in my schedule is the key to achieving “easy speed” in my game. I am building the muscle of willpower, and as I enter month two of the game, I will transition beyond achieving the points and begin to look more closely at the energy and present moment awareness I give in achieving them (i.e. the quality of the point). I will continue to ask how I can continue to raise the bar with the quality of effort I give to each point to stretch my personal boundaries and results?

A quick review of last week:

Good: Nailing down flow of self-control, and not giving into whims of what I feel like doing, and instead doing what I have already determined is the best use of my time. Also, working to increase my experience with the concept of Attention by mind mapping Tolle’s “Realizing the Power of Now”, and scored a like-new copy of Sarano’s recommendation Awareness for $1 on Amazon so I am looking forward to reviewing that after I work my way through the Power of Now.

Opportunity: Need to schedule weekly actions earlier in the week, so I am not playing cleanup at the end. Also, still need to do a better job attacking my 90d tactical list of tasks. I will use my time blocking to carve out specific time to complete these items in addition to my game elements.

This week moved me closer to making my points automatic, and I will now transition my focus to establishing a deeper connection to the concepts of energy conservation, awareness and self-importance.

Add comment August 9th, 2007 Z Man

An Apology to my team

Everything ok? We missed our call this morning. Brooke ok?

Tony,

I owe you, our team, Paul Blanco, my friend Todd Lieberman, my partner Mitchell and my past partner Trent an apology. Brooke is fine, everything is okay and I am hiding. I am hiding behind:

-being busy

-self importance

-shame

-embarrassment

-disappointment

What I am not dealing with is:

-I did not keep my Saturday morning call with Tony and did not call him in advance to communicate (I was on a call starting at 6am that ran over…yada, yada, yada, I’m important and busy even early in the morning on Saturdays…more self importance added to some defensive arrogance)

-I have not emailed or communicated with Todd. Why, because I feel like I should of contacted him before now, I did not get to make the recording for him I said I would and I am ashamed that someone who has been so great to me would be let down by me…more shame and embarrassment. I also said I would send him a synopsis for the movie I have written and he is coaching me on producing and because I think a lot of him and very little of my own talents I have let the completed document sit on my computer for a few weeks now…

-I have reached out to Paul a whole whopping once or twice and because we did not connect I had that be my excuse for not trying…weak on my part, very, very weak…when did I decide that a lack of immediate results was a good cover story or excuse for a lack of effort on my part?

-some of my teammates have sent me their games and I have not reviewed them, so instead I have been stuck, got overwhelmed and followed it up with a good dose of “mild” depression…way to go champ!

-Scott emails me and rather than read the email immediately I “do” other things and then feel guilty that I have not responded to his email, of course any emails sent prior to his can’t be read because I should read his so I bury myself behind more guilt and justify it by being busy

-and for Trent and Mitchell could you of gotten a worse partner? I know we get the results but my level of play at best indicates that results must be pretty damn easy to achieve because it “ain’t” due to my calling you. Mitchell has called me several times and I failed to respond (I was in an unexpected meeting, I was in the middle of a big “deal”, the sun was in my eyes…yada, yada, yada, excuse, excuse).

So far in this game I have achieved more in a few weeks than I have in whole years of my life. I have had 2 sets of investment bankers I respect take on bringing my company public if I only I would actually get them the information they need to do their jobs…I have a long list of accomplishments, MY game is going well…for me, it’s just my “level of play” that sucks, it’s my selfishness that sucks, it’s my lack of concern for my team that sucks. If my team was more important than my “problems”, my problems would go away.

I apologize to my team and friends for not thinking enough of you to let you know that I am drowing and instead “fend” you off with being busy. I apologize for not thinking enough of myself to communicate and ask for help. I apologize for my arrogance and thoughtlessness.

I AM COMMITTED TO:

-having my daily calls with Mitchell

-blogging daily

-keeping track of my points

-returning my emails (within 48 hours if not traveling, within the week if I am traveling)

-being responsible for the fact that any busyness in my life was created by me and to be a martyr about it is revolting

I AM:

-apologizing to all of you

-recommitting to all of you

-no longer hiding or making excuses

Thanks for taking the time to read this and if I have let you down in any way I hope that you will give me the opportunity to redeem myself, if I am out of touch, it is always because on some level I feel I have “dropped the ball” and am ashamed…whenever I am ashamed I stop communicating which then turns shame into the starting point for depression. Yes, I can be depressed, need only 4 hours of sleep and do more “Superman” stuff but on the inside I know that I am not giving you my all…I know that I am cheating myself.

Sarano

Your Coach

4 comments July 30th, 2007 Sarano Kelley

Posts filed under 'Game 36'

Week 14: Hardly Sprinting, but Enjoying the Journey

Week 13: Eyes Opened Wider

Week 12: Back in the Game

Sarano Screwing up Royally

Letter to my partner

Week 7: Getting Clear

Week 6: Changes in Altitude; Changes in Attitude

Week 5: Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’

Week 4: Gaining Proactive Control

An Apology to my team

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